So, for my blog post, I'm going to be the first person to break the barrier of having a prompt for you to respond to. Bellow is a poem I have written, and all I'm asking you to do is to tell me your thoughts. I want your feedback. Tell me what you like, and hate, and anything that you think could better this poem.
Also, I'd like to challenge you all to do something. One of my favorite things on YouTube is Button Poetry. When you type that into the search bar, so many videos come up of slam poetry, and it's the coolest thing. I want you to find one that you really like, and just attach the link in your comment.
( Here's one of my favorites: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnKZ4pdSU-s )
the alliteration of our minds
energetic blues and greens
zig zag before my eyes,
pulling me under.
faster.
stronger.
my mind is racing,
yours is already gone.
gone forever into the solemn night.
black.
midnight during November.
it closes in around me,
suffocating.
what is it like again to breathe?
to feel the blood pulsing through my veins?
trapped.
bursting red leaps before me.
i’m swelling,
about to combust.
tell me again,
how do you make this stop?
Yellow.
peaceful.
cautious.
approaching.
the seasons are changing.
how many have gone by with no notice at all?
slowly.
ever so slowly it has arrived.
pink,
a light rose dancing in spring.
the delicate Butterfly lands with a simple flutter
against my innocent hands,
caressing me with all it’s colors.
deep, deep, deep,
purple has it’s turn.
nothing lasts forever,
i truly should’ve known.
Hello blues.
Hello greens.
Welcome to the never ending
Cycle.
I adore the way you use colors that we see in our everyday lives, and paint a picture in our minds of what each one means. The way you have each of them equal amount of attention and importance makes your poem stronger as a whole. It makes it more solid. Also, when you ask questions throughout the poem, it made me feel like you really included your readers into it. It gets them actively reading and having more purpose to read it. This is a truly amazing poem. The only thing I did not understand was your title. If you could explain this to me more, just so I know how it wraps into this!
ReplyDeleteI'd respond properly but I can't read this. Something is wrong with mine
ReplyDeleteI really loved the way you used colors in this poem. What you did with them were amazing. I could not only SEE the colors visually but I could feel, smell, hear, and taste them as well. They really came to life.
ReplyDeletePhenomenal, the use of color in your poem was great! it blended all so well together and stood out well enough to be exciting (with the exception of the black on dark background color scheme of words). Although, I wasn't too fond of the repetition of the word deep, it sort of cancelled itself out to the point where the word sounded humorous, or simply pointless. Other than that one measly thing i gotta say falafel.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments and tips for this poem! For your questions about the title, it was supposed to mean the repetition of the feelings and emotions that we go through. I didn't want it to mean in the literal sense of the word, so I see why it's confusing without an explanation, and doesn't make that much sense. I hope this helps some of you understand that more. Also, sorry it came out in black lettering with the dark background, I didn't think about that when I made my post
ReplyDeleteI really love this poem,I love how it sounds, they way you worded everything makes it actually so much easier to connect with and love.The imagery from the way you use the colors is perfect.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite poem I found was this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T6m9t4jiAo
It wasn't from button poetry but I liked it.
I enjoyed this poem. I especially liked how each color had its own meaning and purpose in the story you told throughout the poem. It flows very nicely and made it feel as if I was actually watching and feeling it at the same time. It made the colors important. I really liked it!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your poem. It painted a picture in my mind and I loved the connection of colors and things in our life. I didn't understand the title at first but when you explained it it made sense.
ReplyDelete(contains strong language)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Sv-DSGCss
This is my favorite one. Its not from Button Poetry but I still love it.
I loved how you explained the different colors. I not only saw the colors but I also experienced the rest of the senses through your poem. I feel like that is a difficult thing to achieve.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem so much wow. It's just so visual and intense, it's really really fantastic.
ReplyDeleteBut oh man, slam poetry is my favorite. BNV and Button Poetry are the greatest, and pretty much slam poetry in general. This one has been a favorite of mine for as long as I've been watching these videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYZkLy0GHZ0
I really liked your poem! It was just beautiful and really awesome. I like how each color represented something either heartbreaking or beautiful. Each color is something. Your poem is great.
ReplyDeleteJillian,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is truly unique. For the sake of conversation, and before I offer my thoughts, I'd like to ask the following questions:
What is this poem about?
What line(s) encapsulate the "essence/heartbeat of the poem?
What colored stanza do you, the author, enjoy the most?
I would love to see this visually represented. Kind of reminds me of when Ratatouille takes a bite of wine and cheese at the same time. Anybody??
YES! YES YES YES. When Ratatouille takes a bite of cheese. I totally get that. Yes...
DeleteI love this poem. I think that it is really unique and I've never read anything like it before. I love how accurate and relatable the feelings you associate to each color are. I can agree with your lines and that makes this poem feel personal on the level that I connect with it. Something as simple as color can inspire such a creative piece of work. Great poem, well done. :)
ReplyDeleteTorres,
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, which colored stanza I like the most, it would be yellow. It's the in between of being so caught up in an angry emotion and finding peace and happiness within yourself, for an example. I find it as a moment of bliss, and I think that is a beautiful moment to live in, even if it's just for a second. This poem was written to express life, and how you won't always be sad, or angry, or happy. It was to show that everything is constantly changing, it's a cycle of different emotions that human beings go through. I think the lines that show the heartbeat of this poem would be,
"the seasons are changing,
how many have gone by with no notice at all"
I really enjoyed this poem because I just love it when people look into colors and finding a meaning in the color itself, rather than just seeing it as a color. You did a great job describing emotions from the color, and the symbolism you used for each was very well thought through. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteJillian... I am so so so proud of you that was so amazing and gave me chills. I'll never forget the time you showed me button poetry with the man who had OCD, still gives me chills and tears in my eyes every time I watch it!
ReplyDelete