I always ask myself: Do you really want to know what this person is going through?
They say that when you talk about something, you unload half the weight off your shoulders. But, does anyone ever think about where that weight goes?
Most people drop it like it's absolutely nothing. They hold it for a bit, then let it go and pretend they never had to see it. They move on. The person who lost the weight slowly gains it back as it trickles back to them, and end up worse than they were before.
Why?
Because they confided in someone, reached out for help with any of their issues - and they were shot down. Over a more graceful period of time, yes, but shot down all the same. And then the weight of losing that thought-of support piles on too. Can you imagine? Confiding in someone you thought understood, could help you, could be that one person to lean on when you're damaged, and then finding out: they're just like everyone else. It's a realization, almost. They're just like everyone else.
Because people simply don't care about real-life issues. The person sitting just across the room from you could have a psychotic disorder he was born with, and must take drugs that impair his everyday life. That girl that people hate for her bad attitude could be abused when she goes home. The boy with the big goofy grin and bright eyes could go home and try to kill himself almost weekly.
All of these things.....Because people can't see them, no one cares. No one cares. We all hear about that one person that tried to hang themselves and was sent to a rehabilitation center, but when he comes back to school a year later, what happens? He's shunned. No one wants to associate with someone who "is like that."
Or, it swings the other way. Everyone swarms him. Everyone wants to know: "Where were you?" "You did WHAT?!" "Tell me all about it!"
And then what happens? Rumors. One person knows, and all of a sudden, everyone knows. The story twists and swirls and writhes until it's a monster. The boy is shunned for this monster, and he's back to no one wanting to associate with someone who "is like that."
When you see someone with scars across their wrists, what do you do? I'll bet everything you look away, and pretend like you didn't see it. When you see someone crying in the bathroom, what do you do? Maybe you ask them what's wrong, but most will ignore it. When you see someone sitting in the staircase by themselves, what do you do? Maybe wave, maybe make eye contact, but you move on and don't think a second thought about it.
But you know what?
At one point, that person in the staircase was me. That person who acted goofy and smiled and laughed all the time....Most of the time, I just wanted it to end.
And when I saw someone pass me by, when I saw their glances or complete ignorance, I wished for nothing more than to be seen. For someone to look at me and see the pain I was in nearly constantly. I wanted someone to care whether I was there or not. I wanted someone to carry my weight, if only just a grain's worth. Not because I wanted attention, not because I wanted to be dramatic - but because I felt so alone, I drove myself into a deep hole of depression, and I couldn't get out without help.
And you know what? No one helped. No one saw. No one did a damned thing about it.
Near the end of that darkness, I went to the councelor's office almost daily in tears.
It's better now, though. I was sent away at the end of freshman year, and I got better. I'm better, though still not fully healed, but able to survive through my troubles while still functioning normally. I'm happier, healthier, and I actually feel something other than an intense depression.
Though, I have to wonder....
How many other people were like me? How many of those people struggle through every single day like I did? How many people are trapped within themselves, and take that extra step that I didn't take - to end it?
I never, never want to feel like I did before, and I never want someone else to feel that way.
I want to be that person who looks at the goof-off and sees his pain.
I want to be that person who sees the dark-clad girl curled up at the top of the staircase, and actually speaks to her.
I want to be that person who people can trust with their troubles, and don't have to worry about me dropping the weight.
I want to be that person who changes people's lives, and inspire people to do the same, just by being there and listening.
I want to be the one in a million, the one who cares whether you're there or not.
I want to be the person who feels the pains of the depressed, and helps them through it.
I want to be the person who cares.
But, my real question is: Will you take that extra step to pull someone away from the edge? Will you be the person who sees the people who need help? Will you open your eyes to the problems of someone? Will you carry their burden and help rid them of it?
Because, from all of this, you will be saving a person from themselves, and giving them the same life that we all want.
My answer to these questions is always yes.
Be the one person who cares.
I totally know how you feel. Then way you described yourself was me the last 2 years. i had been depressed until just this past summer, when i went to get help. When i see someone in need of help, i immeadiatley want to help them, even if i know theres nothing i can do. my friends always come to me when they need help, advice, or just somebody to vent to. and i love that, because no matter what i am going through, i will ALWAYS try to help somebody if i can. i know most people think i am usually a happy person, but things arent always as they seem. i have been through soo much in my life, and because of the situations i have been in, it makes me want to help people that much more.When i get older i am going to be a child counselor, because i do know what those kids are going through and feeling. if anyone ever needs to talk or needs help, i am always there, even if we dont talk a lot. because i dont want people to have to go through what i have. ever. i know i am going to be the one person who cares, even if nobody else does.;
ReplyDeleteI think it is a beautiful thing that you want to be a counselor. Someone who has been through a lot can help others with their experiences. Passing on your knowledge can potentially help a child who has been through a lot!
DeleteI want to be one to help. Im not one to say that because i dont want to be publicized as someone that doesnt care about others but, because i know exactly how it feels. a couple of weeks ago my depression relasped now im back on meds. Alot of these mornings for school its so hard to get out bed because I know I have to put on a fake smile so people dont ask me whats wrong all the time its one of the most annoying things that happens. You guys think that we can make a group with the school that people that have depression can go to and feel safe to let their feelings out? it'll help alot..
ReplyDeleteI think this was a really good post because, we all deserve to have the same happy life the people around us want us to have. From what I've seen so far from our class none of us will say 'Yes I want to help someone' so they dont look rude the next time we see them from across the room. When you say it it will be sincere because people like me have done some crazy things to ourselfs but yet we dont show it. Help everyone around you if you can because like C-HNM said you can be saving someones life that night when you extend a helping hand.
i really like the idea of that group. I think we should seriously do that!
DeleteI agree. I think we should have a place in the school where people can go to not only let their feelings out, but also learn that they are not alone. That's a fantastic idea. We can have people come in and share their trials and success, and give people hope that they too can conquer their demons. I believe this will be fun.
DeleteI agree with you, it would be a good thing if we had our own group at minnoka. It could have the potential to save lives, or stop people making decisions they will eventually regret. I wish there was one at my old school when I was going through a hard time.
DeleteHonestly, when I first saw this , I was thinking-- why did you write something sooooo long Mandy??? What were you thinking?… but I'm glad I read the whole thing. And you know what? I understand what you mean. This may come as a shock to you, but I have felt that way too, and I don't think my friends have ever known it. Though thoughts are wonderful and are the basis for creativity, they can be pretty scary too, and your worst enemy is truly yourself. Because when others don't know you, YOU DO-- you know your every weekness, you know whats wrong with you, everything that you have thought… and you hate yourself for it.
ReplyDeleteI know I have a great life-- an awesome one at that! My family is together and cares about me, my mom loves my dad and vice versa and we have a great house and get along. But even with all that… thoughts still hurt me. Because I know myself better than anyone knows me, and I can be a pretty ugly person at times. And even with my great life that I realize that others don't have, that terrifying, no-- MORTIFYING thought passes through my brain… "Maybe everybody'd be better of if I wasn't here… does anyone really care… no, they don't, so what's the point?" Remember that phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones; but names will never hurt me"? Well I can testify to the fact that it's a lie. We all care what people think. I hate it when you walk into a room without any of your friends in it, and a group of people (who think that they're better than everyone else) are whispering in the corner and they all look in your direction. Your first thought is that they're saying something bad about you, and you never can find out if they were or not. And its even worse if you're actually happy that day, and everyone looks at you funny because of it. And that makes you feel foolish, stupid, and USELESS. We want to know that we're needed, that people depend on us and that people wouldn't survive (metaphorically) without us. So you know what? Here's a shout out to Alec, because I wanna thank you. When I was in math freshman year, you probably noticed that I didn't talk much, but even those little stupid conversations we had where you asked me questions about random math junk made me feel good, like I was needed and useful. Thank you… really.
I think this might be why I write about war and romantic comedies, because its nice to think about what life could be, if people were nice and didn't hate each other for stupid stuff. But I also write about war because bad stuff does happen, ALL the time. But that's also the reason why I get so angry that entire countries try to convince themselves that stuff like the holocaust never happened, WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! What about all those people that suffered??? You know what? They're ignoring their pain, because they don't wanna think about it-- BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO. That's their reasoning, and everyday people do it too. I know I've done it… and regret is all that's left when I don't do anything. But you know what's just as important as starting something? Finishing. I've started so much but not finished, and I want to change that. So here's your answer Mandy: Yes. Because everyone goes through that, and they never should have to- it's awful. Some of the happiest people you know have been through it all, and no one ever knows it. So here's my advice to people: write a list of everything you can be thankful for, and I mean everything-- you have clothes, you have teeth, you can BREATH PROPERLY. These are luxuries that we all take advantage of and don't realize that other people just don't have. Be thankful that people ARE effected by you, an that you have an influence on people. And if you have a spare moment, just sit back and be happy.
If you have a couple minutes, look up the song "Hero" by "Superchick", it changed how I look at a lot of stuff.
That is a GREAT song!!<3
DeleteYes I would like to be that person. The one who makes a difference in somebody's life. I know often times though, bcuz we're people and have our own agendas, we overlook anyone else in our way. Its a sad truth I think
ReplyDelete. But thankyou for pointing it out, I will try my bestest to make at least one person smile who looks like they need to
This post reminded me a lot about all the stuff I was going through even just last night. It also reminded me that lots of people have their own issues, even my Mom. Often times I used to resaon with myself that I never talked to people about it because they would offer help that wouldn't do anything or even no help at all, but it has become clear to me now that people will help me if I just ask. I used to talk to my friends about things and they would try to help me in the moment, but then forget about it in less than 24 hours. Or even bring up their own problems, throwing mine to the side. I'm not trying to sound selfish because I would do what I could to help them, but it still hurt.
ReplyDeleteI tend to use writing as an escape from my life, which is why a lot of things I write are about other people running away or dealing with some other problem that is subtley related to what's going on with my life. For example, I'm writing a story about a kid who gets shipped off to foster care because of her Mom. This relates to me because one night my Mom's blood sugar dropped (shes diabetic)and when my Dad told me to call 911 the opperator heard him yelling, trying to get Mom to respond, and she sent police to see if it was a safe place to live. Naturally, I freaked out thinking I was going to be sent off to foster care for a small misunderstanding. It really set me off and to be honest I started writing about things because I was afraid that talking to friends about it or being known to go to the counseler would end in embarasment and ridicule as so many other people endure. I think the idea that Lexus brought up about a group where poeple could talk about things would be amazing.
To stay off, let me say that this topic really spoke to me. Bemused I've been that girl in the staircase that everyone stares at. I've been that freak that no one wants to sit by at lunch. Things are a bit better now, but I've been there. And it hurt so much, I thought about what it would've been like if I wasn't there at all. Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? At the time, no, probably not. Things are much better for me now, I've learned how to use my people skills and I guess you could say I've really "come out of my shell," as all of you probably know. And yes, I can be very out there and some might say obnoxious, but there's a really good reason for that. My mom has been sick for the past five years, really sick. She's seen the best specialists in the world and still, no one can figure out what's wrong with her or how much longer she's going to be here. I spent many nights in hospitals crying, only to have to pretend like nothing happened and go to school the next day. There, for a long time, I was ridiculed for every little thing I did or didn't do, said or didn't say. But nobody knew that I went home every night to am empty house.nobody knew that I was raising my siblings starting at the age of ten. And though they didn't know, I do partly blame those people who stared at me and sneered. Because not ONE of them ever tried to help. Not one.
ReplyDeleteI'm much stronger now and I know how to deal with things. I've done many things I'm not necessarily proud of, but I don't regret anything I've gone through, it's made me the person I am today. And now, when I look in the mirror, I LIKE the person who stares back curiously at me. I actually love myself now.
And if anyone ever needs anything, I'm always here. I don't want anyone to ever feel as alone as I once did. It hurts, but I promise, it does get better. "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." suicide and self mutilation really isn't worth it, it's not. I promise there are other things you can turn to and confide in, myself being one of those things. There is hope.
While reading your post, I immediately recalled a discerning quote... "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." -Rose Kennedy
ReplyDeleteScientifically, our brains constantly build upon and remove details of certain memories from our past. This unconscious action is truly vital to our lives; undoubtedly, our lives would be unimaginably difficult if we were subjected to constant, vivid reminders of the past and even the present. In my opinion, this ability is a significant deficiency of the human race.
As you imply, Mandy, we can never honestly understand someone and oftentimes neglect to even attempt. It can be justifiable, though. Returning to the aforementioned quote, people are so skilled in disguising imperfections through misleading outward manifestations of themselves. A smile is not always a smile, a laugh is not always a laugh, and a rude comment can be more than just a rude comment. Unfortunately, there are not as many individuals as considerate as you in the world to care to see past these ambiguities. I admire that.
However, in a world where most people are encumbered by their own fantasies and versions of pretentious realities, that person in the staircase is overlooked. In a way, I disagree with you. People DO care. They are simply unwilling to allow this person in the staircase to obstruct their utopian versions of life. Instead of conveying their forbearance, people invent a different scenario to convince themselves that the person in the staircase was simply having a bad day.
"And all of the sudden, the person in the staircase may have actually been wearing a smile upon her face. And did you see the girl on the staircase's clothes? She just enjoys the attention, and I don't care for people like that."
See what I did? The dismal girl on the staircase suddenly becomes a girl who is an obstruction to society and is in the wrong. Is she?
Of course not. She is actually an obstruction to our "happy" lives, and we do not care for her because of that. And can we really blame ourselves for wanting to be happy in life and shunning the undeniable negative? No. I admire those who constantly see and embrace the positives in life. The challenge: living life happy with acceptance and consideration of those who are not as privileged to be happy. To be a friend to someone who needs it and leave a lasting impact on their life. To have someone understand that one other person is willing to escape the comfort of their life and enter their dark world of unimaginable problems. To me, this is success in life.
I accept this challenge.
Completely off-topic, but after reading this, I look forward to all the posts and responses you'll make in the future. You're insight astounds me, which can be hard to do because I have high standards for the written word...
DeleteBesides that odd point, though, I thouroughly agree with your opinion about how people scar themselves over. It's how most everyone survives, and I can almost see it growing as a whole day by day. I agree and disagree with your comment about this instant reaction to emotional hurt; I think it's something that's always happened, and will continue to happen throughout our past, present, and future. It's something completely needed for mental stability.
But, with that being said, there's always a line. A human's mind can only take so much pain before it succumbs to madness, and the amount of scar tissue built up around it only makes it harder to relieve the pain.
In this post, out of all the replies so far, I think you hit the nail on the head as far as the point of it. It isn't that people don't care, it's that they don't -want- to care. And, honestly, we're only hurting ourselves through doing this. If everyone doesn't want to care, then no one will care very much, and when you're the person in pain, you can't expect someone to go ahead and start caring on your behalf when the whole world is setting an example of not wanting to care.
Your idea of people creating their own eutopia is spot on. We do it every single day; paint on our smile, drop our worries the minute we start walking, and immerse ourselves within a false reality where everything is as bright as they want it to seem.
As with the portion of corrupting the stairway scene, that is exactly what we do. The word "poser" pops up in my head often; and you know what? There are posers out there. But, the majority of them are people scraping by with their problems, trying their hardest to copy other's reactions to appear as if nothing is wrong. This, in itself, is us trying to create eutopia even when times are tough.
My overall intent of this piece, quoting you here, "....To be a friend to someone who needs it and leave a lasting impact on their life. To have someone understand that one other person is willing to escape the comfort of their life and enter their dark world of unimaginable problems."
This is exactly what I wanted to gain from this post. For me, my life simply isn't worth living if I'm not living for someone else sometimes. It's impossible to want to cruise through life completely for yourself, because what happens then? If you achieve any happiness that way, it goes into one jar. But if I can make an impact on someone else, can change their life for the better and give them hope to keep pushing forward, then that same amount of happiness doubles, and triples, and quadruples to place itself in many different people's jars of life. Those people will see what I've done for them, and at the least, reach out to me in my time of need, and at most start to persue my very same goal; to have people want to care about one another.
I was not expecting this compelling blog but nonetheless I have something to say about everything!
ReplyDeleteAt the beginning you mentioned being able to confide in people and the betrayal that happens when they get shot down. Although this is an alarming truth i also think that a person cannot be afraid to talk about their feelings because holding it in can be just as detrimental. Finding the one person who you can tell all of your trials and tribulations to is hard but worth it. I do know what it feels like to be ashamed of yourself and to feel less worthy. Being a dancer my body is being constantly judged by the public. Being on stage or competing on a gym floor every little flaw is magnified. The way I deal with this is to be confident in myself and what makes me unique.
I disagree with you a little when you say no one cares about the problems of others, but I do think that people are afraid to face the truth so they ignore it. Who really wants to talk about possible suicide or depression? These ugly truths are tucked away in the minds of people and shunned by society. I do feel that these topics need to be brought to light for the problem to be fixed. Making people aware and enlightened is the first step to opening the closet full of dirty little secrets.
I also think that writing is a great way to spill out your emotions when no one will listen. There are many times when I would just go into my room and write for hours and it's therapeutic! I was deeply touched by your vulnerability and willingness to share something so touchy. I commend your bravery in over coming your vices and stomping on your demons! I do challenge you or anyone else who has ever felt this way to never forget the low you have been at so it can shape you into a better person
This thread (post, whatever-the-heck-it's-technically-called) really made me think (and may or may not have freaked out my mother when I read it aloud to prove a point... ¬.¬").
ReplyDeleteI don't want people to have to feel such pain. I have more sympathy than empathy on the subject, to be brutally honest; however, I still feel that no one, no matter how irritating I find him or her on a typical basis, should have to struggle through each day and find himself or herself at a point he or she feel is his or her wits' end on a regular basis. No one should have to feel that ending his or her own live is the only way to escape their pain.
I want to help people through it, as best as I can.
I'll admit, there have been days when I myself nearly became one of those girls with scars on their wrists. I know, it's almost unbelievable at first glance, but that cheery image is little more than an illusion sometimes; underneath, I may be hiding sadness, pain, anger, and thoughts I'm never proud of when I look back with a clearer head.
As cheerful as I normally act and feel, I have contemplated inducing harm upon myself, but always either chickened out, backed down, or found a different outlet for the pain in the end.
Like I said, I never have reached that point, but how close I came – and the number of times I found myself so close to that terrifying edge – scares me when I think back on it during calmer moods.
I may not want pity, and I may not fully understand the raw pain some people feel, but I know enough about it to know that the ravine it can be all too easy to fall into isn't a fun place to be.
Even if I'm not sure I understand their problem, I try to talk through it and offer possible solutions to the best of my ability. People deserve to know that they matter to the world, even if they don't initially realize how important they truly are to the people around them.
The world doesn't end with you, even if you try to isolate yourself in a little bubble. Someone will find their way in, or include you in their "bubble" despite you not considering them a friend, and they will remember you.
Life may go on for the rest of the world after someone dies, but that doesn't mean that no one will look back and remember that sad girl hiding her pain behind a cheery facade. Someone will miss the boy who goofs off in class before heading home to slit his wrists. The girl who uses pain as a reminder that she's alive will have friends who care, even if they don't ask about the scars littering her arms.
I don't like asking about scars, even if I do see them.
Why?
Because they might be ashamed of them.
Because I'm afraid that if I ask, I'll be tempted to follow their lead.
Because I'm almost afraid to know how bad of a hand Life has given them.
Because I worry they will shut down on me if I ask about it.
Because even though I care, I know that talking about it could make it even worse.
Because I know that, no matter how much I care, I wouldn't want people to ask me about the marks the action would leave behind.
I wouldn't want them to ask because I wouldn't want some random classmate to come over to play the "hero" so that they can "'save' me from myself". I would want to tell a close friend, someone who could truly understand; I would want to ask for support from someone I trust, not someone I barely know with a hero complex.
First off, I'd like to say that I greatly empathize with, as it's referred to, "the edge". It's a paralyzing place to be.
DeleteThe second - and oddly last thing I have to say - I fear will provoke an argument, though I'm going to type it out anyway.
I must say, at first glance, I was quite offended by the second half of your post.
But, after returning almost three times to reread it, I've realized that it was an irrational feeling.
Reading this, I have to say I almost.....I want to say pity, but that isn't the right way to explain what it is.....
Anyway, when I was reading this entire post, I could almost see the shape of something forming behind me about you, that I'm just now seeing. You're letting your fear of others get in the way of caring about the general person.
No one likes talking about things like cutting or suicide or depression. Hell, every time I have to hear about it from someone else I nearly shut down. But you know what? I'd hear it all over again, and I will hear it all over again, because I care. I care so much, my fear of pushing someone too far or pushing myself too far gets squelched underneath it. I don't expect everyone else to be like that, and I'm not asking anything of anyone, I just want people to think about this.
Ah, so I do have a third thing.
I admit with a foolish pride that yes, I -do- have a hero complex. I -do- want to save people from themselves, and I -do- want to be that random classmate that plays the hero. Hell, I -know- that I have a hero complex. I wouldn't trade it for the world, because the complete selflessness and raw emotion that comes from that complex gives the little bird on my soul another reason to sing.
Class,
ReplyDeleteThese are some heavy thoughts, but you've stepped onto land that everyone owns. Life can be hard. This is a universal truth. However, dawn always follows the night, and I believe in hope more than I believe in gravity. Please read and ponder this poem as my response. We will discuss more in class.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers
BY EMILY DICKINSON
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteIt's really amazing how many people can relate to this, even the ones who seem fine at school and act like everything is okay. I do want to be someone that helps. It made me realize that in the past I have been the person to look away, yet have also been the person that has been ignored. NOBODY should have to feel like that, and should know that there are always people who want to help. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and have realized that there are many people that want to help me pick myself back up again. I guess overall what I'm trying to say is everyone has been there, and even though we shouldn't feel alone because of it, we do, because we have all been burned at one time or another. I can really appreciate this piece of writing by saying that I understand. Life isn't easy. If it was, it wouldn't be interesting. I feel hopeful after reading this post and all of the comments below it. It makes me feel like someone finally understands.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree Nicole. I feel the same way. It's great to feel like some one cares.
DeleteThe edge: It is the border, the line, the way of life some choose to live (Johnny Cash reference). I had walked along the line for such a long time, the edges became not only blurred, but obliterated with every step I took. It took very, very brave people to pull me away from that edge, and as soon as I was far enough away, the lines sharpened once again.
ReplyDeleteWhat I am saying is that those people rescued me. I have spent every day of my life, and will spend every day I have left, repaying those people, by helping anyone else I can. I already carry the burdens of many, but would gladly carry a thousand more if it means I can help people out.
About three years ago, my brother was in a dark place. He had just been broken up with, by his girlfriend of almost four years. He was the saddest I'd ever seen him. But every day for a week, he got up and went to work, and worked all day and night, got home, and repeated the process. Everyone thought he'd be okay, but he'd come home all but crying, every day. He got a tattoo, and burned all his pictures of her, and this sweet, funny man turned in to himself and locked the door to his heart. I was thirteen at the time, and hardly had any idea of what to do. But it was just after I had been pulled back from the edge, and my brother was one of those people who had brought me back. I knew I had to help him somehow. So, I talked to him. And I won't bore anyone with all the details, but I am so glad I did. He was on the edge, and I helped save him. It felt so good to help him out that I have wanted to feel that way again ever since. I take any opportunity I can to help someone else, even if it means I myself get left out.
Mandy, every person I know and love has been that person at the bottom of the staircase, or the person with that big goofy grin, at one point. And I want to help everyone who is still there, reach the point we are in now: healing. Being helped. Learning they are loved.
I think your goal is a beautiful thing that you choose to achieve Mandy, but I believe there are some things that I would have to disagree with. I only view help with another person's problem more as support. The way I see it is that the greatest strength you can gain is from yourself.The key for me is looking at whether the burden people carry is coming from themselves or if it is from something deeper. Depending on the which of those two they are will determine how I choose to support them. In past experiences I was able to conclude that once a person is able to conquer a burden by themselves they are ultimately able to become overall more confident and more understanding. Even the closest and most trusted people have the ability to disappear and I never want them to believe that without those certain people that they can never overcome their own struggles. By relying on someone else to always help you,I see others returning to the same sadness and pain more frequently. I'm guilty to getting very close with someone and then disappearing. What I did was a choice that I executed after much thought and I would do it again if I saw fit. When a person comes to me with a burden I give them the sense that I refuse to share it, but I will sit there and listen to everything they feel the need to get out. Once they ask for an answer or an opinion I usually give something an open-ended reply. With that said, I can gain a sense of sadness from them or even anger. I take pain and hostility as a treasure. Why I choose to hold it as such I'm not sure. I do know that true self acceptance and confidence will equal a happy life and it gives you the strength to solve almost anything that comes your way. The most powerful person is you and once that is understood the feeling of being able to handle anything that comes your way is a feeling that really does help through any burden no matter how heavy it may be. I apologize if this seems ignorant but I see a lot of problems in people and I have the confidence that they will overcome it and my wish is that they would know it too.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading this, I was like holy cow, this is a lot of reading, but I am glad I did read it. Everything about it so true, no one bothers to help others, even when they are most obviously in need of the help. I actually have tried to help whenever I see when someone is upset, but they usually end up pusshing me away because of it. This girl that is a close friend of mine is always depressed, and whenever i try to help, she shuts me out. She has done it to everybody. I wonder if there is a way I can get her to open up.
ReplyDeleteAlso, while reading this, a torrent of bad memories came rushing back from my old school, ones that I have shut away. I used to be that girl that would hide away, in the bathroom instead of stairs, and cry because i used to be bullied a lot at my old school for something about me that I can't change. No one seemed to care at my old school, I dont think any of them noticed that I even used to go there.
Now, if I ever see someone that is upset, I will try to talk to them more than I already do. Afetrall, they might just need to be able to talk to someone.
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DeleteMost of the time i see them and walk past and Think too myself is it right to walk past and not do anything about it. So i come up with excuseses for why i didnt do anything like "well its their decision for what their doing" or "they chose the path that they are on" what im trying to say is that we all have a choice, obvioulsy if you are hurt then you go get help. but it shouldnt be your bestfriends responsibility to help you through the tough times. Thats what family is for. im not saying just to cast them off, you can care for them but they choose the path too walk on and to hold onto the things that are not important. their is a part in your brain that is called free will. when you experince something this memory goes through free will where one of two decisions are made you can either A: Hold onto this memory and store it or you can B: let it go and get rid of it. now decisions are made by you and you alone. you can choose A or B but both are the choices that you made. so therefor it is your responsibility to "get help"
ReplyDeleteAhh, I'm glad someone posted a response like this one. (*cough* despite the grammar mistakes...)
DeleteI completely understand where you're coming from. When I was (as others are saying) on my own edge, no one else was there but me to pull myself away. Not my family, not my friends, not anyone that passed me by, just me. And I did it.
But, when I think back on it, I see how much easier that giant step to get serious help would have been if someone had only stopped their eutopia for a moment to concider that I might be there. Taking a step into the unknown is a hard one, especially with absolutely no help. If I wasn't such a (language pardon) buttheaded asshole, I probably wouldn't have gotten help and wouldn't be here today. When you have mental and emotional issues, it isn't like when you have physical issues; it corrupts your thinking, and hinders everything you do. Many people don't even realize that there's the option to get help until it's presented to them in the right manner.
The point is, you never know someone's circumstances, and sometimes all it takes is one little, insignifigant action to change their life for the better, or worse.
This post reminds of something that would be on the To Write Love On Her Arms website. I'm the same way except even when people don't want help I try to help them because I dont want to live with the guilt of letting someone do that to themselves, and not trying to help them and I want them to have a normal life. One of my friends used to cut a year ago and it's a scary thing to go through thinking that someone your really close with could leave you at any second. My problem is always keeping my feelings to myself because I hate burdening people with my problems. I wanna be the person that can help someone in a bad point in there life, and whether we like it or not I think all of us feel lonely or unwanted at some point in our lives, and everyone wants to be the person that helps them create a better life. When I see people on the staircases or alone, I start to feel bad for not helping them and that makes me wanna help them more, but I;m scared of what might happen to them if they I become friends with them; what happens if they do decide to do it? I'd be scared all the time watching their every movement probably. Some people are too scared to get help because their afraid of being judged. I think that they should be the one's that decide to get help since it's their life, but at the same time they should have a friend to be there to fall on if times get rough.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more! All of the horrible things people go through are for nothing! If everyone could be the person who cares, life would be so much easier! I love what you said and it was brilliant, because am the kid that also carries the weight. I get bullied daily just for being a cheerleader. Why can't I do what I love while being accepted for it? I ask myself this question everyday. But its nice to know that I'm not alone. But, with saying that, I wish no one else has to go through it.
ReplyDeleteWell said Nathan! If you love what you do you shouldn't be penalized for it just because someone doesn't understand. Don't let people get to you. When you're at the top and they're not, they'll realize what they've done.
DeleteAlright, I get it. Helping people is great, not only to the person, but you too! You get a feeling of accomplishment. I will help someone if they present themselves to me, but otherwise I would never go out of my way to find someone to help. I know the sentence above sounds terrible, but hear me out. If you help someone with a severe issue you feel maybe 10% of their emotional burden upon yourself, no? This is why I wouldn't go out of my way to find others in need. I don't want to destroy myself in an act of divine interception.
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